Tuesday, January 26, 2010

My Tracy

I lost one of my grandfathers last week. Technically, my step-grandfather, but he has been in my life pretty much for the entire thing. This is really the first time in adulthood I've had to deal with a death of a very close family member that I can remember. It's horrible. I hate it. Compound that with having to tell my four-year-old why we can't see big Tracy anymore, ever again. Hardest thing I've ever done.

He was such a special man to me, and loved me so much. I have some really great memories with him, and those are worth so much. I almost want to write them here, but then they won't be MY memories anymore. So I'll file them away in my memory, able to bring them back up whenever I want to smile and remember how much I was loved by him. And the funny thing is, I know I'm not the only one who feels I was his favorite! What a special person who can love so many so deeply and make them all know they were his favorite. My Tracy loved Jesus, and this puts joy in my heart, knowing that he is with Him now. Doesn't take my tears away, because I'm selfish and I want him back, and I want another shaky but strong hug, I want to bury my face in his chest, want to hear him tell me, "Lo-oo-oo-ve You." I want another Christmas with him sitting next to me and laughing at my kids' antics. I want to see his tall self standing next to my petite Granny. But I know I will, just not now. Thanks be to God for Heaven, for Hope that comes through Salvation, for His gentle whispers of reassurance in my heart. Without Him there is no Hope!

Lamentations 3:19-23
I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

Titus 3:3-7
At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.


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