I feel like my life is going through a change in seasons lately. It's hard to explain, harder still to even understand myself. There are days when I feel like everything is going right and I'm on the path I'm called to, and then there are days, like today, where I feel like doors are slamming in my face and I've gotten stuck in a dead end. Let me assure you, I know my place in my home and family, and am secure in that. But I also know I feel called to do certain things, and the opportunities are not there -- or I'm not seeing them. That's a more likely story. So I'm just wandering around in confusion, waiting for the flashlight to flicker on and shine brightly on the obvious path.
But our God is nothing if not patient, and I laugh a little at the thought of how ridiculous I must look to Him.. a little bit like a sheep that just walks and walks until it hits a wall and then turns and walks some more until it runs into something else. Never sensing the way, only following fruitless, worn out trails. I imagine the Holy Spirit giving me a nudge here, only for me to shrug my shoulder and go the opposite way. And that's exactly why God sent Jesus, to be my shepherd and guide me, sometimes with just a whispered word, and sometimes with a whack on the head with his staff. I'm trying to hear and distinguish the whispers these days, but maybe what I need is a nice hard whack on the head?
While I wait for God to reveal his plan for me, I'll keep living my everyday life with my two exceptionally awesome children, and a husband who loves me and works hard to provide for us. Pray I don't fall into bitterness from the closing doors and God will show me how great He is by what he's already planning for me. I already know I am loved by God... all I have to do is smell the sweet cheeks of my babies and look at my surroundings. Lord, keep that at the front of my mind.
This song has been rolling around in my head, it is two verses from Psalm 18 that we used to sing in children's choir, sung in a two-part round. Anyone remember this?
3I will call upon the LORD,
who is worthy to be praised:
so shall I be saved from mine enemies.
I will call upon the LORD
46The LORD liveth;
and blessed be my rock;
and let the God of my salvation be exalted.
I can't say exactly how this lines up with my post, but I don't believe in coincidences, so I'll figure it out eventually.
Photo Credit to Google Images