Wednesday, November 17, 2010
The heart of a child
I have a lot of things I need to doing during this, my "free" time, while both kids nap. But today I'm blogging about my boy. Caleb has been growing up spiritually and emotionally a lot lately. Physically, he is now a "big kid," meaning I have to shop for clothes in the BOYS section. NOT in the Baby/Toddler Section. No more "T"s on the tags (3T, 4T, etc.). His baby fat cheeks are slimming down. His legs and thighs are skinny and muscular. And his brain is exploding in size and depth! (His feet are still huge and flat, poor kid. But God made us all special, didn't He? And Caleb has special-sized feet.)
Lately I've been answering -- or attempting my best guess -- at a lot of questions. Deep questions. Since we lost Tracy in January, he's become aware of death. That is still the hardest talk I've ever had. Trying to explain to an innocent child why we die and where we go and why we are sad but joyful at the same time. Since I stumbled my way through that conversation, it seems his little mind has been tirelessly pondering the unknown. His sense of time is developing. His sense of self is developing. And I truly believe his heart is turning toward Jesus.
Some of the recent questions and conversations we've had are centered on this. This very morning he was asking me, "How old will I be when I die?" I told him only God knows that, and we just live for Him everyday and wait. Then, "Why doesn't God tell us? I think He should!" I honestly didn't have an answer for that one.
The things that he knows already astound me. He knows that Jesus is a man. He knows that Jesus is God. He knows that God is big. So big He can hold the world, and "a whole waterfall" in his hands. That concept in itself is enough to baffle most.
He knows that he sins. He knows it is wrong. (He doesn't know why he keeps doing it... do you? Me either.) He knows how to love others. He knows that it hurts Jesus when he hurts others.
Frequently, we talk about Heaven and Hell. I have told him that when a person chooses to love Jesus, and have Him in their heart, they get to go to Heaven. The alternative is Hell, which we've talked about in appropriate language for his age. We talk about who we KNOW will be there. Jesus, Tracy, I'm going, Daddy's going, etc., So of course, he says he is going to choose Jesus. (And I almost always hear Carly chime in that she is going to choose Jesus too!) We've talked about praying to ask Jesus to come in his heart, but he's not quite ready to do that yet.
These are sweet, sweet times I love getting to share with my boy as he grows into a man. My heart yearns for him to understand and grasp the things he's thinking about. I truly believe that the Lord puts these things in a child's mind at a young age, before their surroundings can spoil their perspectives. How wonderful that I've been given the opportunity to grow this child up in the ways of the Lord, and nurture what comes naturally to him. It is surely the greatest blessing and responsibility I've ever been given. Thank you, Lord!