Good Self / Bad Self / Crazy Self

So I’ve been running. Jogging, really, but it’s the thought that counts. Tonight at the beginning of our run, I commented to my running partner, “When we get right here, every single time, my legs start screaming at me to ‘STOP!!!!!’” “Me too!” she said, to which I admitted, “I actually have a running (pun totally intended) dialogue in my head the entire time I’m running.” “Me too!” She said.  So, I wrote it down so that you can share in my pain.

Start of typical 4-mile run

Good self: “Yay, I get to go run today/tonight! Nature! Birds Singing! Lake view! Yay!

Bad Self: “AGAIN?!?! I hate you. This sucks already. “

2/10 of a mile down the road (AKA Not-very-far)

Bad Self: “Legs hurt from knees to ankles. Quit now and you won’t even break a sweat. Then you won’t have to wash your hair before work tomorrow.”

Good Self: “It’s gonna be great. Set your pace and get your breathing under control and GO! Let’s do this!”

Bottom of first hill

Good self: “That was fun! Wind! Speed! Woohoo!”

Bad Self:” Uhhhh, how bout that hill you have to climb now!”

Top of first hill

Good self: “Woohoo! That was great! Broke a sweat, right on schedule!”

Bad self: “I’m still alive and I didn’t die. Yet.”

Mile 1

Good self: “Feeling good, getting my pace set”

Bad Self: “One mile is good.  Stop now.”

Mile 2

Good Self: “Yeehaw! I saw a deer and family of cute little foxes! And a weenie dog! And a bunny! I shall turn left and take the longer scenic route.”

Bad Self: “You can try, but you know you won’t last..”

Mile 2.5

Good Self: “Push through! Breathe deep! Keep going!”

Bad Self: “Seeeeeeeeee, I told you….”

Mile 3

Good: “Okay! One mile to go! You can do this! Keep going!

Bad: “Just stop already. It hurts. Legs. Stomach. Feet. The sweat!!!! Is dripping down your face!!!!! So Gross!!!!!

Mile 3.5

Good: “Almost there. Half a mile left. Push! Breathe!

Bad: “HALF A MILE LEFT?! Chest -- tightening….. breath -- gone….. gag reflex--standing by…….

Mile 3.75

Good: “I can see the end point! I can do this! In fact, I think I’ll sprint to the end! Wheeeeeeeeeeee!”

Bad: “Oh no you don’t.  I WILL make you puke. Don’t think I won’t do it!”

Mile 4

Good: “I DID IT!!!! I LOVE RUNNING!!!!!”

Bad: “Yeah, you did it. Big stinky deal. I still hate this and it still sucks. And now you smell.

All this happens with music playing in the earbuds.  It's a complicated place, the inside of my brain.