Two weeks ago I decided to close my AlexiaJean business. I had been dreading filling orders and found myself waiting until the last minute and then scrambling to do them. There was no joy in that. When I came to that realization, I knew it was time for a change. It felt great!
The very next day, we found out we were getting an offer on our house. Talk about timing. Hubby and I had recently come to the conclusion that our 6-month contract would probably expire with the realtor, and then we would take the house off the market and wait a while. We were cool with that. I am very happy with the school Caleb attends and wasn't super excited about moving him anyway.
Then we got the offer. It was the best offer we could possibly get, considering the short amount of time we've owned the house. (Funny... this is longest we've ever owned a home/lived in one place... just under 4 years. Nomads much?) So we took it. That's when the frenzy begins with finding a new place, negotiations, financing, inspections, appraisals, packing, changing utilities, etc..... I'm confident it's going to work out the way it should, however that may be. Transitions actually exhilarate me, the crazy weirdo that I am.
Last week Greg and I went on a much-needed, far overdue trip by ourselves without kids. It was a nice getaway, and I'm so thankful to our parents for helping with the kids while we were gone. They all had a great time, and we knew they were in good hands.
Since we've been home from our trip and I have my chicks back in the nest, I've felt somewhat lost. It's too early to start packing the house. I don't have any orders to fill. (except for that one for my friend.. but she understands...) I could organize closets, but then I'll just be packing them all up in the near future. I don't have any more showings to plan for. So I've been cooking more. And trying to spend more intentional time with Carly. Going through the office and getting rid of the crazy amount of someday-stuff I've accumulated over the last 4 years. Today we went out back to watch the neighbor's donkeys. I am basking in the freedom and time I've been given.
It's a strange feeling, this total freedom. I can do anything I want to with my time. There's so little structure, so few demands that I feel lost at times. But free. Today while Carly tossed almost-rotten grape tomatoes to the donkeys, I pondered this. Haven't I really been free all along? I've always had the freedom to do these things with my daughter, and cook and bake, and clean--- if I so choose--- but having that perceived weight of to-be-filled orders at the back of my mind, I've felt like a slave. When really, it was always my choice whether or not to take orders, or commit to projects. I put those things on myself, and no one forced me.
Isn't that how spiritual legalism works? Grace has made us free -- totally and completely and utterly and blissfully free -- and yet we put ourselves through the torture and practices of things. Rules, guilts, events, volunteering for this and that, working for this, committing to that, and judging others that don't work as hard as we do to be God's favorite. But when you realize that it's all so... unnecessary... that God loves you no matter what you do, it is a fantastic feeling of freedom. All He wants is you. The way you are, where you are, with whatever flaws you have. Bask in that. And quit trying so hard.
