Spring Break!

I guess this is our first official spring break, since we now adhere to school schedules. Ahhhh, the days when I didn't know or care when the school-age kids were on spring break... the only reason to know was to avoid the zoo/parks/museums that week.

We had a fun filled week. It started with a long stay at my grandparents house out in the country. It rained a good bit of the weekend, but by Sunday after church, the sky was clearing up and soon the sun came out.

Walking out to the car with Great-Grandpa

We played in the sun,

climbed fences and gates,

rode the tractor around,

and swang in the woods.

I love this place so much. The quiet of the country calms my spirit and brings rest to my soul! The beauty of God's creation sings everywhere I look.

After we came home we took PaPaw's fishing boat out to the lake. It was the kids' first time on a real boat on a big lake. Caleb was pretty terrified, and Carly loved it!! It took about 45 minutes of driving around before Caleb finally got comfortable enough to get out of his seat. We floated a while and fished a little. By the time we left, both kids agreed that we HAD to come back and catch a fish next time.

Greg let me drive! Look out!

Carly drove too!

I am exhausted but relaxed all at the same time! And sooooooo ready for summer now!

Battles

Do you fight internal battles? Sure you do. It's a part of the human condition of decaying body, rebelling mind, and searching spirit. There is always going to be some sort of discord inside. Some are easy. My mind says I need to spend some time on the treadmill, my body just wants to sit and eat Oreos. My spirit says I should go outside and enjoy God's immaculate creation, my mind reminds me that I suffer from allergies and just got over a three week bout of the ickies, and my body doesn't want to sit in the wind or anywhere there might be mosquitoes to bite me.

Those battles are not really what I'm talking about, though. The battles I mean are the ones that wear you down, day after day, from the constant war that's happening inside. Some might call it angels vs demons. Some might call it feeling torn between two ideas/decisions/stances. I call it exhausting. And defeating. And universal.

There is some comfort in the fact that we all struggle. But it's easy to forget that my struggles that affect my life are any less important that someone else's. In fact, if you were to line mine up with someone else's it would pale in comparison in importance. Nonetheless, it is important to me. It is a part of me. It is me.

My particular battle has been going on for a very long time. I am able to quiet it most times, but sometimes it rages back and leaves me sore and wounded. Defeated. Other times I win a small victory and walk with my head high for a few days or weeks. But then a new facet emerges, or a new challenge presents, and I am back to square one. At the bottom of the mountain once again.

You're dying to know what my battle is, aren't you?

It's confidence. Sort of. Here is my battle: I know I am good enough. I know I am talented. I know I am liked. But in my case, this knowledge means nothing to me. What good is knowing how good I am if no one else accepts me for it? In particular, my struggle is with music. I love music. I'm grown up in it and around it, loving it, using, pursuing it (although not in the traditional sense), and worshipping through it. I fought against a call to use it as a ministry for years. I didn't even recognize that longing I felt when I heard certain songs was a call to use it. I fought because at the same time my spirit was longing to minister with music, my mind was paralyzed with fear, and my body was physically ill at the thought.

Over the past three years I've taken an active role in defeating my fears. I joined the choir at my church, which is huge and intimidating. Then I joined the orchestra. Not as huge, but even more intimidating. After a year in the orchestra, and some confidence gained by the acceptance I feel in that group, I felt compelled to ask about joining a praise team. It's a smaller group of singers that ministers on stage on a rotating basis and is more visible. Auditioning for that was a HUGE victory over my fears. In fact, asking to be considered for audition made me sick to my stomach. But I did it anyway. Stifling a Spirit prompting had left me unfulfilled in the past, and I was tired of that feeling of missed opportunity. I was accepted to a praise team, and have been serving and enjoying it for about 18 months now. In that 18 months, I was asked to sing a short solo. The thought absolutely terrified me. Which made me mad, because that is exactly what I feel God has called me to do. See the struggle? I am asked to do something that I want to do with every fiber of my soul, and it terrifies me. I muscled down that sick feeling and did it. Shortly after I was asked to sing a duet. Just me and one other person on stage by ourselves. Again, I was terrified and excited at the same time. This time though, in order to defeat the fears I gave it up to God. I had to. I couldn't climb that mountain by myself. He reminded me of the words of the song, and the reason I was there. To glorify Him. To lead others to worship Him. Not to be seen. Not even to be heard. Just to glorify Him. I was still extremely nervous but I did it. I can't say how it went, because I haven't seen it. And that is where I am now.

That was 6 months ago. I still feel immense fear at the thought of singing by myself. I also still feel a very strong call to minister through singing. And I still get Spirit promptings that say, "This one. Sing this one. You can do this, and the message will glorify Me." I have only acted on that one time. That was 4 weeks ago. I've heard basically nothing back from the "powers to be," which is discouraging. Those voices that speak louder than the Spirit have been talking to me a lot in the last week especially.

You aren't important.

You aren't wanted.

You aren't good enough.

You aren't accepted.

Just asking to sing the song was a huge victory for me. It sapped my energy for an entire day. I actually had the shakes. So I am giving this one up to God too. I followed the Spirit's prompting. I've been obedient. Now my focus is on defeating the voices of the Deceiver who cast doubt in my mind. I am once again at the bottom of the mountain. But I know this:

I am talented. It is the one and only Spirit who distributes all these gifts. He alone decided which gift each person should have. 1 Corinthians 12:11

I am good enough. For God so loved the world [even me!] that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16

I am loved. How precious is your unfailing love, O God! All humanity finds shelter in the shadow of your wings. Psalm 36:7

I am accepted. But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God. John 1:12

All I want to do is lead others to the worship I feel in my heart and soul when I sing. When and if that happens is not up to me. I am a tool in the hands of the Creator of music. I am putting my fears in His hands, and my doubts, and my discouragement. All of me.

Take that, Deceiver.

Caleb's 6th Birthday

Our boy is 6!! We had his party this weekend, and it was Lego Lego Lego!! The boy is a fanatic about those Legos, so it was a natural choice for party theme. Pinterest has given me so many ideas that this party was a smash! I'm going to do a feature post on AlexiaJean.com with all the decor and preparations, but this one is about Caleb!!

We played around with iPhoto and made the invitations in Picnik, which turned out so great!!

Can't believe my sweet boy is 6 already!!!

Lego lookalike cookie cake! Loved it!

blowing out the candles

Opening gifts

I have to brag on my boy. He was so very thoughtful and sweet to his friends. He read every card, and thanked every gift-giver sincerely. I was afraid he was going to say something ungrateful, like kids unintentionally do, but he was so grown up. I just love him!!

OH! And we also lost our first tooth last week! It was just perfect timing. Our Snaggle-toothed Six-year-old!

Book Review

So, I'm not really a "writer" and have never done a book review. But I just read an incredible book that I feel compelled to share about. Actually, I just finished reading it for the second time. I liked it the first time, but I loved it this time.

A little about me and my books:

I like stories. So I love fiction. I especially love historical fiction, where there are facts woven into a fictional story. I most especially love Biblical historical fiction. For an author to take the Bible, study the facts inside, learn them backwards and forwards, and then fill in some details to "connect the dots" so to speak, I appreciate very much. It helps me to realize that the characters in the Bible were people. With jobs, families, concerns, worries, joys, and relationships. They aren't just names in a book, they actually existed. And they mattered.

The Book:

Flight to Eden by Douglas Hirt, book one of The Cradeland Chronicles

Synopsis: (from back cover of book)

It’s the dawn of humanity, and civilization is rapidly advancing – and something’s not right . . . not right at all.

A dark power is at work, intent on gaining complete control of the Cradleland – the birthplace of the still young world. All that stands in the Power’s way is one troublesome line of humans: the descendants of Seth. They are of the only remaining clan clinging to an all-but-dead faith. And yet it’s from that faith that a prophecy threatens all plans of world dominion – a promise, spoken from the heart of Eden, warning of a human son yet to come who would strike back with a crushing blow. The darkness is determined to stop that from happening. This redeemer must be born of a human, so an incredible scheme is launched to prevent the prophecy from coming to pass. First, pollute the human bloodline; and second . . . kill the only one who could be humanity’s deliverance!

My thoughts:

Isn't it true that ever since the Fall, mankind has consistently been falling farther and farther away from God? Can you even imagine what it must have been like to walk with God? I can't either. It seems so foreign, like a legend. That's how the people in this book regarded God, whom they call the Creator. It had been about 1000 years since the world was created, however only 3 or 4 generations had passed. That's how quickly they had forgotten. You've heard of Methuselah, yes? The famous "oldest guy in the Bible" guy? 969 years he lived. That was normal then. Now go read about Methuselah's relatives in Genesis 5 and 6. They all lived a good 500-700 years. Had dozens of children, and watched several generations grow up before they themselves were considered old. In this story, Mishah is pregnant with her first child, and is over 100 years old already. Her Grandmother, Amolikah, is healthy enough to make a pilgrimage into the Wild Lands with her granddaughter, and does so with a gleam in her eye. 80-year-old men were considered young and inexperienced at life. The customary wedding price for a bride was 127 years of working for the bride's father. Then the newlyweds could settle down and start a family. Mishah's apprenticeship as a healer was 18 years. These are details the author describes, which are based on Biblical accounts of very long lives of early humans.

The main story in the book is about Mishah, wife of Lamech, who embarks on the traditional pilgrimage to visit the Mother during the pregnancy of her first child for a blessing and prophecy. With them are Amolikah, her grandmother, Kenock, her "young" (80ish) brother, and Kleg'l, the family's good-man. He is the keeper of the family's finances, and is voluntarily bound to them by oath. They are Lee-landers from Morg-Seth. They are considered clannish, intolerant, and outspoken about their religion by most other people in the known world. Their journey takes them through Nod City, which is the crowning glory of the known world. The most modern and advanced society so far, which reminds me much of today in many ways. The government propaganda stresses tolerance of all lifestyles. The state religion is that of the Oracle, and his earthly representative is called the Lodath, and his name is Sol-Ra-Luce (hmmm, words that allude to sun/light, the sun god, and Lucifer..). The Oracle's Lodath speaks of peace and love and tolerance.

Mishah and Lamech, however, cling to the ways of what the Lodath calls the Tyrant of Old; the Creator. Lamech is the grandson of Enoch, the very same Enoch who was a descendent of Seth, son of Adam and Eve. Enoch, who walked with God and wrote down the things he learned and passed them down the generations of his tribe. Lamech inherited Enoch's zeal for proclaiming the truths of the Creator, and this causes trouble for him in Nod City. He is detained there, and insists his family continue on the pilgrimage without him. Trust the Creator, he says.

While in Nod City, the family meets a man named Rhone. He is a quiet man, but enormous in size and strength. He is a Webmaster by trade, which means he possesses the ability to communicate with large spiders, convinces them to give him their webs, and he leaves a gift for them. The web is used for making cloth and other items used in the civilized society. Did you know that man may have once had the ability to communicate with animals? Think back to the garden of Eden. Do you think it was strange that Eve was speaking to a serpent? Does it make more sense that speaking to the animals might have been normal, and that's why she didn't shy away when a serpent starting speaking to her? In the Garden, everything was as God imagined it. How do we know that communication among His created species was not a part of it? In the instant that Adam sinned, creation began to fall apart. In this book, that included the perfect harmony between human and animal. Very few humans still possessed the ability - a gift, really - to connect with animals. In fact, an over-reaching danger throughout the book is the humans' fear of turnlings, or animals that had turned on humans and had begun attacking them.

Through a series of circumstances that only a fiction book can provide, the family crosses paths with Rhone and his young (again, 80ish) apprentice, Bar'ack. They begin to travel together, with the family employing Rhone to guide them and protect them from rogues in the Wild Lands. Rhone struggles throughout the book with his religious allegiance. He is from Nod City, but is skeptical of the Oracle, as well as wary of the Lee-landers. He struggles with these feeling throughout, but he is protected by an unseen messenger, and eventually chooses sides.

Until now I haven't mentioned the messengers. But they play a very important part in the story. The Lodath is the human vessel of the Oracle, with a human army, but the Oracle also employs his army of un-shackled ones. They contend with the shackled-ones, those who haven't yet freed themselves from the shackles of the Tyrant of Old. Let me give you a hint: The Oracle is Lucifer. About halfway through the book, the author stops referring to him only as the Oracle, after most readers have figured out who he really is. There are also half-breeds. They are called Earth-Born, and they are the seeds of the un-shackled ones and humans. They are giants with super-human abilities, also referred to as Nephilim. (Goliath, anyone?) It seems Lucifer has an unstoppable force that spans two dimensions!

But there are also messengers for the Creator. The shackled-ones, as called by the demons. The terms angels and demons are never used, but it is easy to know the difference. The Creator's messengers protect Mishah and Rhone throughout the book. At first it is not understood exactly why Mishah is so important, but there is a prophecy which involves the child she carries, whom is a descendent of Seth. The line of Seth is very important.

When Lucifer reveals to Sol-Ra-Luce the prophecy and his fear of Mishah and the child she carries, and all-out manhunt ensues with orders to kill her, and her child. Her child means Lucifer's defeat. Her child means the Tyrant wins. Again. He must get rid of her. All realms are brought in to the conflict.

Eventually, Misha's makes it to the Mother, who is, you guessed it, Eve herself. The Mother of all Living. She is over 1000 years old, and very frail, but still sharp-minded as ever. She is a sad woman, but has hope. She knows she has been forgiven and has a home with the Creator and Adam, who has already gone home. She knows her children, and grieves and rejoices in them. Eve knows of the pursuit of Mishah and sends her to find refuge in the Cradleland. The Garden of Eden itself. It is so much forgotten by most humans by now, barely anyone knows the way. It is the place of ruin, and apart from the actual garden, which is guarded by terrifyingly large cherubim, it is utterly barren. The group makes their way there, all the while being pursued by the Lodath's guard and the Earth-born giants. The end is a thrilling race against time, ending with the reader getting to experience the inside of the Garden of Eden and meet the Gardener. The Gardener, who has been waiting for Mishah and her son. The Gardener, the human embodiment of the Creator Himself. We get to witness the birth of Mishah's son. Her son, who has been prophesied about. Her son, whose name is to be called Noah.

I loved this book. It is so fun to think about earlier civilizations and the stories that might have happened. It helps to understand the Bible more, when you understand some things about the people and time period. Much is not known about the time before the Flood, and one should not forget that this book is most definitely a work of fiction, but there are many truths that can be discovered as well. I can not wait to dive in to book two, which follows Rhone's story more and weaves him more deeply into the storyline.

Carly's 4th Birthday

Carly turned 4 on January 10th. We had a pink ladybug party at our house for her. I had a fun time decorating, thanks to Pinterest! We also had the. best. ladybug. piñata. EVER! It was a fun time!

The big boys holding the piñata

Pumpkins #2!

Pumpkins!

Tree Climber!

Kindergarten: Week One

No, I don't plan on blogging about the goings-on at Kindergarten every week for two reasons. 1) I would lose blog readers in heartbeat! and most of all 2) I really have no idea what goes on at Kindergarten. The most we can get out of our boy is "I don't remember," "I don't know," or a one-shoulder, are-you-STILL-asking-me-what-I-did-today shrug.

But I think the first week of the next 20 years of my life is toooooooootally blog-worthy. Because I know I have some real-life friends who can relate. I know. So, the rundown:

Day One: Dropped off at classroom. Caleb walked in like a champ. A little shy and slow-moving, but excited and smiling. Mom did not even cry. Got a green star for the day. (that's a good thing.)

Day Two: Dropped off in cafeteria. Clung to Daddy's leg for a few minutes until teacher took his hand and he stood beside her. Mom did not cry. Got another green star for the day.

Day Three: Dropped off in cafeteria. Teacher wasn't in the cafeteria today. Caleb clung to Daddy's legs and after numerous trips to the hallway to chat, became upset and did not want us to leave him. Principal intervened (I LOVE HER!) and screaming fit ensued. Mom and Dad left him in the cafeteria, bucking and screaming "Daddy! Daddy!" Mom cried all the way home, and then cried some more at home. Teacher called 30 minutes into school day to say Caleb was doing fine and calmed down very quickly after we left him. I still got teary off and on until we picked him up for the day. Stinker ended up getting a BLUE star (better than green) and 5 fuzzies (it's a reward system - fuzzies are like money).

Day Four: We decided to wait the few minutes until the class was in the classroom instead of the cafeteria. Worked wonders. Caleb put his backpack, lunchbox, snack, and folder up without help and walked right in. Green star. Mom wanted to cry tears of joy but didn't.

Day Five: Same as day four. Really really great, independent boy who was happy to be at school. Green star.

Except for Wednesday's dropoff, our first week of Kindergarten was a huge success. It's hard for a mama bear to be okay when she leaves her cub kicking and screaming in the arms of another person. It's easy for that negative moment to overshadow the entire week. But getting all written out makes me realize how awesome our funny little guy is. He is so ready for this school thing! One little hiccup in the whole week.

Here's to another 35 weeks of awesomeness! Maybe someday I'll get used to waking up at 6:45 again. But I'm not counting on it!

Austin Trip

This was our last little hurrah before school started. It was also my cousin's wedding!


Congrats the the happy couple! Aren't they beautiful? It was a very sweet wedding.



After the wedding festivities were over, we spent the rest of the weekend seeing some sights around Austin. It's funny to me that we used to live in Austin before we had kids, and now, visiting Austin WITH kids, we had a hard time thinking of things to do!

First we visited Mount Bonnell, which is a scenic area overlooking Town Lake or Lake Austin (or whatever- it's actually part of a river).



You can also see the Austin cityscape.



It's a neat place and the kids had fun climbing a TON of stairs to get up to the top. I have fun memories of the place because my college biology lab took a field trip here once.



Next stop was the Texas capitol building. (I have no idea why my text is underlined. Crazy Blogger!!)









We expected it to be closed since it was a Sunday morning, but were pleasantly surprised that the doors were open!



We walked around and explored the building, and of course, we climbed every flight of stairs to the very top of the dome.






Here's that floor the kids were standing on.. I couldn't believe I got a picture with nobody walking on it!

(That's right, Texas isn't just a state - it's a Republic!)

We peeked in the Senate and House meeting rooms, and looked at the pictures of our Texas legislators on the wall. Of course, no one was around on a Sunday.

We also took the opportunity to get some family pictures taken while we were all spiffed up for the wedding.










And there are always outtakes! I blames every one of these on Greg. He either makes a funny face or takes a funny picture when I give him the camera, which isn't very often! Love that silly guy!