What it's like to be me.

If there is one thing that bothers me about people, it's that no one likes to be REAL. As in, show weakness, or inferiority, or failure, or struggles, or SIN.  I don't know anyone who enjoys broadcasting their failures, but everyone has them.  Everyone screws up, or has problems and struggles. The danger is when we try to hide them from others, put on a happy face, and act fine. That's what it is. Acting. And I am Public Enemy #1 for this. It's human nature, I think, to hide weaknesses and play up strengths. But it's just not REAL.

Our family has gone through a time of transition this year. Lots of minor changes that have made a huge impact on our lives. We've grown as a family, as parents, as a couple, and as ambassadors for Christ. Lots of good, heart-wrenching, difficult, but positive stuff.  We've really sought God's will and direction and He has answered faithfully. (He always does!) It's been an incredible year.

This morning, a sweet friend of mine met with me, and we shared our struggles, and we prayed together.  (Side note: I highly encourage every Christian woman to seek out at least one good, honest, loving friend to share your life with, keep you accountable, tell you when you are way the heck out in craycray-land, and PRAY with each other {Another side note: I said pray WITH each other. Not pray FOR each other. Although if you do the first, you can also do the second. But do it. Don't just say you will.} Lucky for me, I have more than one of those friends in my life).  In the course of our short catch-up conversation, she told me that when she looks at me, she sees a dream-come-true kind of life.  My family, my house, my job, my great haircut, etc...  and when she said that, there was no hint of jealousy, just love and admiration.  But her comment made me think.  Is that how people see me? Do people look at me and see the pretty, put-together, overall package of perfection? I have no idea, really, but I sure hope not. Because, I have ISSUES just like everyone else. I struggle with life. I struggle with my family, my marriage, my job, my attention span, my health.  And I want everyone to know.

This is what it's like to be me today. The inside of my body, from my ribs to my hips, is a hot mess. Like a battlefield. Like a nuclear war zone. Every.Single.Time.I.Eat.Food. I'm in a lot of pain. I'm frustrated. I'm literally at my wit's end. I have no answers. I've seen a specialist. We've done blood, we've done scans. I have scopes scheduled for next month. I expect no answers from those. Until then, I have medicine to "get me through." I have to make a choice at every single meal whether I want to deal with horrible stomach and intestinal pain and extreme discomfort for the next 5-6 hours, or take a pill that helps me digest food but makes me feel drunk.  Either way, something ain't right in there.

So what's it like to be me right now? It frickin' sucks. In a society that revolves around food and mealtimes, when food is your enemy, it's not much fun to be alive. When your stomach hurts all the time, it's hard to be pleasant. It's hard to tell someone that no, you can't eat the delicious-looking food they made for you because it makes you feel miserable.  It's hard to cook dinner for your family knowing you won't be eating it. It's hard to care much about anything or anyone else's problems. It's hard to focus on anything but the pain and after-effects of eating.  It's hard to live life.

I haven't always been this way. I've known about my dairy intolerance for years. I've always been able to control that by limiting or eliminating major dairy culprits from my diet. In the last three months, I've started experiencing more and worse symptoms, so I went super-strict and eliminated ALL dairy from my diet.  That includes almost all processed food, baked goods, and many seasonings.  But it didn't take away my symptoms this time. There is some other food that is tearing my insides to shreds. I tried for a few weeks to tough it out and just deal, and then my sweet, protective, worried husband put his foot down and made me call a doctor.

That's where I am right now. Waiting a month for my next round of tests. Until then, if you see me, I'll either be grumpy and in pain, or I'll be walking a little bit crooked. Or passed out on the ground because I couldn't decide which evil to choose so I just stopped eating altogether...

p.s. I'm not looking for advice or ideas or "it worked for so-and-so" or diets, so no need to leave comments to that effect. I won't publish them. Do feel free to leave encouraging bible verses and prayers! That is the REAL stuff I'm looking for!

Good Self / Bad Self / Crazy Self

So I’ve been running. Jogging, really, but it’s the thought that counts. Tonight at the beginning of our run, I commented to my running partner, “When we get right here, every single time, my legs start screaming at me to ‘STOP!!!!!’” “Me too!” she said, to which I admitted, “I actually have a running (pun totally intended) dialogue in my head the entire time I’m running.” “Me too!” She said.  So, I wrote it down so that you can share in my pain.

Start of typical 4-mile run

Good self: “Yay, I get to go run today/tonight! Nature! Birds Singing! Lake view! Yay!

Bad Self: “AGAIN?!?! I hate you. This sucks already. “

2/10 of a mile down the road (AKA Not-very-far)

Bad Self: “Legs hurt from knees to ankles. Quit now and you won’t even break a sweat. Then you won’t have to wash your hair before work tomorrow.”

Good Self: “It’s gonna be great. Set your pace and get your breathing under control and GO! Let’s do this!”

Bottom of first hill

Good self: “That was fun! Wind! Speed! Woohoo!”

Bad Self:” Uhhhh, how bout that hill you have to climb now!”

Top of first hill

Good self: “Woohoo! That was great! Broke a sweat, right on schedule!”

Bad self: “I’m still alive and I didn’t die. Yet.”

Mile 1

Good self: “Feeling good, getting my pace set”

Bad Self: “One mile is good.  Stop now.”

Mile 2

Good Self: “Yeehaw! I saw a deer and family of cute little foxes! And a weenie dog! And a bunny! I shall turn left and take the longer scenic route.”

Bad Self: “You can try, but you know you won’t last..”

Mile 2.5

Good Self: “Push through! Breathe deep! Keep going!”

Bad Self: “Seeeeeeeeee, I told you….”

Mile 3

Good: “Okay! One mile to go! You can do this! Keep going!

Bad: “Just stop already. It hurts. Legs. Stomach. Feet. The sweat!!!! Is dripping down your face!!!!! So Gross!!!!!

Mile 3.5

Good: “Almost there. Half a mile left. Push! Breathe!

Bad: “HALF A MILE LEFT?! Chest -- tightening….. breath -- gone….. gag reflex--standing by…….

Mile 3.75

Good: “I can see the end point! I can do this! In fact, I think I’ll sprint to the end! Wheeeeeeeeeeee!”

Bad: “Oh no you don’t.  I WILL make you puke. Don’t think I won’t do it!”

Mile 4

Good: “I DID IT!!!! I LOVE RUNNING!!!!!”

Bad: “Yeah, you did it. Big stinky deal. I still hate this and it still sucks. And now you smell.

All this happens with music playing in the earbuds.  It's a complicated place, the inside of my brain.

This story is [fantastically] awesome.

Let me tell you a story.  

There once was a [young, vibrant] mom who watched with joy as her two [healthy, happy] children grew up.  She survived the baby years, with their bottles, baby food, wacky sleep schedules, diaper bags, and vehicles loaded to the roof with gear for one dadgum overnight trip.  Along the way, she prayed for precious sleep, minimal ear infections, and an eventual return to a normal way of life.

She trudged through the toddler years, filled with [particularly painful] potty-training wars, playdates, and afternoon naps that dictated her life schedule.  She prayed for patience, patience, and more patience. And she longed for the day she could go more than a week without a trip to the zoo.

She entered the preschool years, filled with more playdates, less napping, and an obscene amount of hot dog- and grape-slicing.  She prayed for relief from food-cutting, and for the sustainment of naps.  She learned to appreciate the personalities of her unique, funny, and sometimes infuriating offspring.

She’s logged more pediatrician visits than she can count, paid for more chicken nuggets and fruit snacks than she cares to admit, and doesn’t even want to think about the number of diapers she contributed to the downfall of planet Earth.  She loaded that dang stroller into the car no less than 356 thousand times. She’s battled against strong wills, she’s asserted her authority, she’s cried with debilitating frustration, she’s laughed until she cried.  And she’s spanked butts that deserved it. [She still does.]

She survived the first dreaded Kindergarten entrance.  She shed more than a few tears over it, but watched with elation as child number one blossomed and grew in that scary and foreign environment.  She enjoyed the extra time with child number two as she adjusted to being in two stages at once.  Kindergarten passed quickly for child number one, and first grade loomed large.  As she realized child number two would enter Kindergarten in exactly one year, she saw her hourglass of time becoming bottom-heavy, as her children were growing up in front of her eyes.  And she started praying fresh prayers for direction. 

She thanked God for the blessings of the previous seven years of her life.  She marveled that she survived at times.  She remembered all the times she failed.  She laughed at the fun times behind, and her eyes shined brightly at the many ideas for the future.  She poured out her heart to God, revealing her desires to the only One who could possibly understand, surrendered her future, and left it all at the feet of her Father.  She threw out a few “I know this sounds crazy, but I really want to do this,” for good measure.  

And then she stood by and watched her God do exceedingly, abundantly more than she ever asked.  Even the crazy stuff.  She took a back seat and waited as the prep work, the timing, the specifics fell into place around her.  She watched as the exact plan God had for her was laid out before her like a series of precious gifts.  She rejoiced in her Father, who proved [again and again] the He hears her prayers, and desires to bless her if she will follow Him.  She felt [amazing, overwhelming] peace at her future.  She looked forward with excitement and anticipation. The temptation to look behind and feel sadness or regret faded with every forward step. 

She knows Who holds tomorrow.

And she is overflowing with Joy!

Learn something new every day

Before Christmas I ordered a little book from a clearance site, called "Songs from Heaven," thinking it would be a cute little devotional book about music to give as a gift.  When I flipped through it, trying to decide whose gifts needed padding (you know you do that too) I discovered the book is, in fact, a how-to on songwriting.  I claimed it as my own at that point and took it to my night stand where it has been gathering dust.

This morning I picked it up and started reading it.  An hour later I had written my first song on my ukelele.  Then I sat down at the piano and put a melody to a second set of lyrics I had jotted down.  Seriously. I'm not saying I'm any good at this, but it was a fun way to pour out some personalized praise to the Lord.

So, today I learned how to write songs.

What did you learn today?

Dangerous Discontent

I was reminded the other day about how easy it is to fall into discontentment.  It all started with my self-centered reflections of the things I wished I had done in my life.  You know the kind.  It's starts innocently enough.  "I wish I knew how to...", which then turns into "Why didn't I learn when..." which can be a very destructive downward spiral of "what ifs" and "I wish this was different.."

We all do it.  Here's where my mind wandered that day:

"I wish I had taken voice lessons in college. I also wish I would have taken a music-writing class.  Well dang, I should have just majored in music.  Then I would have more in common with more people and I could sing and write music and be famous and, and, and..."

It just kept going on from there.  But then, I stopped myself. And I took an inventory of what I DID do, back when I COULD have been majoring in music.  I majored in business finance instead. I got married to guy who probably wouldn't have wanted to hang out with a music major ;) If I hadn't married that guy, we wouldn't have the two awesome kids we have.  And I would not know anything about the supporting role I've assumed in running a business for that guy.  Because music majors don't learn accounting, taxes, banking, or budgeting.

And THAT is why I didn't major in music.  Took me about 11 years to realize it. Wait, no. I knew it all along. I just forgot while I was wallowing in discontent.

It's great when God stops you in your tracks of self-delusion and shows WHY you are where you are. And I am where I am because it's the right place to be, and the steps that led me here were the right steps to take.

Read less, read more, write more

I've decided. Although my decisions rarely stick long term, I still like to pretend. So I've decided to refocus my media time.

Less reading (on Facebook). Also less participating in other Facebook activities. Just less TIME in general on Facebook. As much as I enjoy the feedback (attention) I get from being funny, silly, or generally idiotic, it's such a big time-waster for me. I can receive that same validation in other areas. So, for a while, I'll back away. It never lasts long, I'll admit that. I'll delete the app from my phone until I "need" to check on something, someone, etc. Then I'm back. But I'm trying.

More reading (real books). I've started using the iBooks app and downloading a plethora of free classic titles. Last summer I read about 10 classic novels including "The Count of Monte Cristo," the entire "Anne of Green Gables" series, and several Jane Austen books. I also started a Chronological Bible-reading plan 107 days ago that I am enjoying immensely. Try reading the Bible chronologically someday in a "readers version" like New Living Translation. It flows so much like a story and really keeps you interested. Maybe even more if you are a history nerd like me!

More writing: I'm hoping to write here on my blog more. I love it so much when a blog post comes out the way I imagine. I enjoy hearing from readers that I impact with my posts. I have never particularly loved to write, but always got decent grades on papers and such. And sometimes I just have things to say. So this time, I replaced my Facebook app with the blogger app (with iBooks and YouVersion Bible right next to it) and will try to record my daily life anecdotes and such right here. Really it's for me. I love to go back a year or two and read stuff I wrote. Sometimes I don't even recognize it! Thing that seemed important when I wrote them are already forgotten. I'm thankful for a platform like this where I can record life and then go back and review it.

So that's what's UP.

A message for the Class of 2024

It's all been said already.  I've read a lot of it. Seems like everyone has a blog and opinion on the events that happened in Newtown, Connecticut last Friday.  As always, the tragedy has been politicized, causing emotionally-charged arguments over gun control and mental health issues.  I don't want to talk about that.

What I want to talk about is the future.  In eleven years, the Class of 2024 will graduate from high school.  My first born will be a member of that group of kids.  They will look at the future with stars in their eyes as they prepare for adulthood, whether it means college, traveling abroad, working to buy that dream car, whatever.  But may this class of newly christened adults never forget that there are 20 less of them in this world to reach for those dreams.  Let them imagine that day when they were in first grade and it was a normal Friday when they did their spelling test "for real" and completed their timed addition test and maybe got to hop up to the next level.  Let them imagine eating cheese pizza in the cafeteria, or PBJ from home.  Let them imagine saying the Pledge of Allegiance and listening to the birthdays on the intercom.  Let them remember practicing Reader's Theater for the upcoming class Christmas party.  Let them imagine PE. Recess. Their classmates. Their precious teachers and administrators.

Then let them remember the day when their parents chose to tell them about what happened to those 20 kids and 7 teachers that day in December 2012.  It may be several years down the road when they first hear about it.  But let them hear about it.  May their hearts feel something when they hear. Let them know they are safe, and protected. And loved.  And when they walk the graduation stage, let them remember. There should be 20 more of them in this world. Let them draw inspiration from the lives that were lost.  Let them live more intentionally in honor of those 20.  Let them be thankful for the love and courage of the 7.

Let us all remember.

My Elfing Opinion

I'm going to be honest.  I'm not a fan of the Elf on the Shelf.  At all. I thought it was just because I'm somewhat of a Scrooge when it comes to silly holiday traditions.  I do see the fun in it, the magical Christmasy magical-ness to it all. I can even see why some people depend on that little Elf to keep their kids in line when it comes down to Naughty-list crunch time.  But, after having expressed my opinion to a small group of friends, have discovered I'm not alone in my general disdain for the whole idea.  I don't judge or think less of those families who are into it. In fact, my Facebook newsfeed is full of some really creative ideas, and we all know I applaud creativity! :)  But it is just not for us.  Here's why:

1. My children are "older" -- ages 4 and 6 -- and my oldest is on the verge of disbelief.  He's still pretty adamant that Santa is real, but the vigor with which he is holding on to his belief tells me he is trying VERY hard to believe. There is some doubt in there that he's trying to stamp out by his loud proclamations of belief.  Prolonging the charade about Santa by adding an Elf seems cruel to me when in just a few short years I'm going to have to tell him the truth about Saint Nicholas.  

2. The Truth about Saint Nicholas -- has nothing to do with elves or the North Pole, but with giving, and mercy, and love.  While Santa WAS a real person, I want to set up the things we tell them now about Santa that will translate easier to the REAL story about the REAL guy.  The fewer lies I have to talk my way out of, the better.

3.  Jesus-focused Alternatives -- I have recently found out about an alternative to the Elf that does tie Santa in with Jesus/Christianity.  It is called "My Secret Angel and Me." Instead of an elf, you get an angel, and she tells the Biblical Christmas story, reports back to Heaven, and doesn't disappear after Christmas is over. I'm not sold on that either, but it is an alternative choice.  I have also heard of "The Three Traveling Wise Men" but a google search came up short. Both of these focus less on Santa and more on Jesus. 

My family is doing a 24-day children's devotional called "A Meaningful Christmas."  This is a daily 2-3 minute verse, story, and discussion that walks us through Creation to the birth of Jesus and touches briefly on His sacrifice and why it is so important that Christians celebrate the birth of our Savior. (The physical earth-coming of Jesus began the process and prophecy of redemption for every human's soul. Therefore, we rejoice and remember and celebrate the circumstances by which God showed how much He loves us!!) There is an ornament for each day, and the kids love to touch, look at, and hang the ornament on our special small tree.  

Don't call me a total Scrooge (I do occasionally call myself one, so I guess you can too without hurting my feelings), because we DO Santa, we just also DO Jesus even more in our house. I don't intend to start any controversy, and I love all my Elf-Shelf-ing friends dearly.  But I don't intend to sacrifice any of my precious marshmellows in the Elf's fishing hole, or toss powdered sugar around to make a "snow storm" that I get to clean up later!  OR have kids waking up at o'dark thirty to find out what Mr. Elf has done THIS time. 

But y'all have fun with that!

Something to work on

When a parent overhears this from a 4-year-old daughter:

"I really need to work on my throwing up,"

a parent's mind can go to very interesting places.  That statement can also halt the conversation in a room and cause all the adults present to slowly turn to see the child who uttered those words tossing a small stuffed ladybug straight up in the air, and trying unsuccessfully to catch said ladybug.

Pause.... 

and..... 

commence laughter and bulimia comments....




Yes, baby girl, we can work on throwing up anytime you want!!

BakedStreuselCarbon

I know I've blogged before about my lack of ability to follow cooking instructions.  I really wanted to link that post here, but alas, I can't find it.  Which just speaks to my alleged organization skills.  Let me just give you a recap:

I stink at cooking.

That's pretty much the gist of it.

I CAN bake, however.  And occasionally I even get compliments on my baked goods.

So it's no big deal to throw some muffin mix in the mini muffin pan real quick-like for a teacher breakfast in the morning.  Right?  But no.

When the recipe calls for ONE TABLESPOON of butter for the streusel topping, it's no big deal to glob one large scoop of margarine spread with a medium soup spoon.. Right?  But no.

It's no big deal to cram 3/4 of the batter into 24 muffin spots when the recipe very clearly (in 8 pt. font) says it makes 48. Right? But no.

(In my defense I didn't see that last instruction until it was too late. WAY TOO LATE.)

Sigh.

My brand new oven has crispy streusel carbon snakes on the bottom. Boo. And the teachers didn't get any muffins from me this morning.  Wah. And my hubby just called from the store for help finding the ammonia because nothing else has worked. Ick!!

I won't even mention the smoke detector going off because of my baking skillz.  After the kids were in bed.  But let's not talk about that.

I spent all my humor on the post, and left nothing for the title.

You know what makes me laugh? Other people's blogs. Funny people like Jen Hatmaker.

You know what makes me sad? I think I'm as funny as her but I just. can't. get. it. out. of. my. brain. like. I. want.

You know what else? The fact that I even think I'm as funny as Jen Hatmaker means I have mental delusions.

Great.

Add that to my constantly growing list of ailments.  My back! My digestive system! My personality in general! Delusions of hilarity!  My Dr. Pepper addiction!

Call the people in scrubs. I'll go willingly, as long as they have Dr. Pepper there.

Now let's talk about sarcasm. (Really?  Yes. Random subjects changes are easy for crazy people)

Yesterday I laughed out loud at the guy on the radio, in the car on the way to school. Of course his joke was overly sarcastic, which is why I laughed out loud.  If you know me, you know sarcasm is one of my love languages.

So, I laughed at a sarcastic joke on the radio, and my 6-year-old son asks from the back seat, "What's so funny?"  I stupidly took the opportunity to try to explain sarcasm to him.  Keep in mind, kids can't grasp the concept of sarcasm (I read that in a book, written by a professional person-helper. Which makes it true), and we were exactly 3 minutes away from school at that point.  I love a challenge (or maybe I can't tell when to just not talk)!

I explained it like this: "Sometimes people say things that aren't quite true, just to be funny.  It's not really a lie, because it's just to make people laugh.  It's called exaggerating.  Which can also be called hyperbole.  Ummmmm, you'll learn that in school. But probably not this year. Yeah."  I looked in my little rear-view mommy-mirror to see if he was still following.  His glazed-over eyes were staring out the window.  No answer.

FAIL.

A word of advice: when kids ask "What's so funny?" from the back seat.. just say "nothing," and change the subject!

In the midst

We are officially "in transition"... or "displaced"... or even "homeless" if you want call it that. That awkward time between the sale of one house and the completion of the purchase of the next one.  Usually it works out where you go right from one to the other, but this time it just didn't happen that way.  Our dates will end up with us being "in between" for a week or more.  Our stuff is taken care of, but living with other people can take its toll.  Especially for someone like me, who is a homebody. I just like to have a place to go home to, a place to retreat to and hide from the world.  You know, sometimes you just want to go home!!  Even during this short time of non-home-ness, I am immensely blessed to have many family members willing to let us stay.  Although this will be a lesson in perseverance for me, you won't hear me complaining.  I intend to make the best of it!  

Happy Summer!!

What's been going on... life is crazy!  Our house is sold. We are still working out details of a new home.  That has been a major stressor for me in the last week.  Moving is agonizing!  A friend said last night, "What you imagine to be the most exciting, magical, fun time of creating a new home always turns out to be the most stressful, painful, un-fun time of your life and makes you never want to do it again!"  I wholeheartedly agree at this point.  You would think, as many times as we've moved in our 10 years of marriage, we would have learned our lesson by now.. but noooooooo.  But THIS time, (just like the last 3 times) I'm already saying, "Never again!!" Ask me in 4 years... and I'm sure it will be a different story.. that's just how we roll.  Apparently we love to move.  Every 2-4 years.  I'm working on breaking that cycle this time!!  LOL

A few weeks ago our church had Vacation Bible School.  This year I volunteered to be a coordinator of first grade teachers.  My job started in February when I started recruiting teachers to fill 10 classrooms with teachers.  Usually I "just" teach a class, so stepping into a more behind-the-scenes leadership roll this time was different and fun.  Although I don't enjoy trying to convince people to work for me, it was fun taking care of them once they were in the classrooms.  I don't know that I'll do it again next year, but I definitely enjoyed the experience.  My favorite experience with VBS this year was being available to counsel kids who came forward to ask questions about becoming a Christian.  In the past years I've been relieved to teach in Kindergarten, who aren't present for that invitation time.  I wasn't ready to lead others into a relationship with Jesus.  I don't know what exactly has changed in the past year, but this time I felt comfortable and willing to talk to the kids.  Maybe it is the fact that my own kids are getting older and I've gained more experience just talking to kids.. maybe it is the small training session I attended on what questions to ask the kids.. maybe it is just TIME for be to be bold and share what I have in my heart with others!  I ended up having the privilege to pray with two groups of kids and lead 4 little ones into a brand-new relationship with Jesus.  THAT was an amazing feeling.

I've taken the summer off from orchestra and praise team, and have been concentrating on my family more.  It is nice to attend ALL of Sunday school and sit with my family during the service.  I do miss participating in the orchestra though.  I'm looking forward to getting this move behind us so I can jump back in with the orchestra and praise team.  Meanwhile, I'll enjoy worshipping with my family!

Caleb finished his Kindergarten year in May.  He had an excellent teacher who I LOVED and was great for him.  He began the year not reading, and ended the year reading at an end-of-1st-grade level.  He loves math and is becoming more creative.  Overall we had a wonderful experience in our first year of school.  More than likely, Caleb will be attending a different school in the fall.  (I say "more than likely" until we are actually IN our new house.)  I've talked to several people that know the new school and feel very excited about the possibilities ahead for Caleb next year! And Carly the year after!

My mom comes home from Congo THIS SUNDAY!  I'm getting excited to hug her neck and just have my mommy back in the country!  We are making plans for her to come help me set up my new house and spend time with the kiddos.   She'll be in the States until September when she's going back to Africa for another 6-month assignment.  

Sometime in May, I decided to end my AlexiaJean business.  Orders had become a burden for me, and I dreaded doing things I had once enjoyed.. that's when I knew it was time for a change.  I also came to the realization that in about 18 months, my youngest child will be starting Kindergarten.  All along in this journey of parenthood, we've agreed that once the kids are in school, I will need to go back to working full time.  Staying home was a huge financial sacrifice for us, and it's been a wonderful experience that I highly recommend.  But, it is a season that is coming to an end in my heart, and I'm planning on taking these next 18 months to prepare my household, my resume, and my heart for the major change in lifestyle that comes with being a working mom.  I also need to evaluate my interests and experiences and decide what kind of work I want to do, and get the education/training/etc, to make that happen.

So, that's the long version of the last several weeks.  Summer vacation is a third over and I feel like we still have a long way to go before school starts again!  

Altering length with original hem!

Recently I've been having closet issues. As in, I had several pairs of jeans that I wasn't wearing for various reasons. Too long, too short, or just not my favorite. I also have been wanting some denim capris, but that's not in the budget! I had this tutorial pinned on Pinterest and finally found time to use it this week!

Before: L to R: 2 pairs of too long, one pair of meh, and one old worn out pair of too short.

After: two pairs of adjusted length awesomeness, and two pairs of "new" capris!

Close up of the capri hems:

Close up of the jean hems:

If you look super close you can see the seam I sewed right above the original gold hem.  But from far away you totally can't tell! And I don't expect to have my feet examined anytime soon. If that happens I have other issues!

I did all four of these in one (busy) day.  They each took no more than twenty minutes!

Easy!!!!

Niagara Falls

Greg was invited to be an usher in a friend's wedding in Pennsylvania, so we decided to make a vacation out of it.  There are lots of travel possibilities "up there" but we ultimately chose Niagara Falls.  SO glad we did. It was breathtaking!  The trip served as our 10th anniversary celebration, which is coming up in July.  It also served as our first ever extended trip without kids.  

 Flower Clock

 There were tulips everywhere!!  beautiful!

 Buterfly Conservatory

 Maid of the Mist boat ride.. aren't we cute.

 view of the American falls from Canada

 Horseshoe falls.. that boat is the Maid of the Mist.. we did that. And got soaked!!

 Anniversary Dinner at the top of the Tower Hotel.. spectacular view and really good food!

 Looking at the American falls from Niagara State Park, New York

 We also drove by Lake Erie.  It was very.... lake-y.

All spiffed up for the wedding.  Another beautiful place! Rural Pennsylvania is just darling! 

Bliss!!!!

Freedom

Two weeks ago I decided to close my AlexiaJean business.  I had been dreading filling orders and found myself waiting until the last minute and then scrambling to do them.  There was no joy in that.  When I came to that realization, I knew it was time for a change.  It felt great!

The very next day, we found out we were getting an offer on our house.   Talk about timing.  Hubby and I had recently come to the conclusion that our 6-month contract would probably expire with the realtor, and then we would take the house off the market and wait a while.  We were cool with that.  I am very happy with the school Caleb attends and wasn't super excited about moving him anyway.

Then we got the offer.  It was the best offer we could possibly get, considering the short amount of time we've owned the house. (Funny... this is longest we've ever owned a home/lived in one place... just under 4 years.  Nomads much?)  So we took it.  That's when the frenzy begins with finding a new place, negotiations, financing, inspections, appraisals, packing, changing utilities, etc..... I'm confident it's going to work out the way it should, however that may be.  Transitions actually exhilarate me, the crazy weirdo that I am.  

Last week Greg and I went on a much-needed, far overdue trip by ourselves without kids.  It was a nice getaway, and I'm so thankful to our parents for helping with the kids while we were gone. They all had a great time, and we knew they were in good hands.   

Since we've been home from our trip and I have my chicks back in the nest, I've felt somewhat lost.  It's too early to start packing the house.  I don't have any orders to fill. (except for that one for my friend.. but she understands...)  I could organize closets, but then I'll just be packing them all up in the near future.  I don't have any more showings to plan for.  So I've been cooking more. And trying to spend more intentional time with Carly.  Going through the office and getting rid of the crazy amount of someday-stuff I've accumulated over the last 4 years.  Today we went out back to watch the neighbor's donkeys.  I am basking in the freedom and time I've been given.

It's a strange feeling, this total freedom.  I can do anything I want to with my time.  There's so little structure, so few demands that I feel lost at times.  But free.  Today while Carly tossed almost-rotten grape tomatoes to the donkeys, I pondered this.  Haven't I really been free all along?  I've always had the freedom to do these things with my daughter, and cook and bake, and clean--- if I so choose--- but having that perceived weight of to-be-filled orders at the back of my mind, I've felt like a slave.  When really, it was always my choice whether or not to take orders, or commit to projects.  I put those things on myself, and no one forced me.

Isn't that how spiritual legalism works?  Grace has made us free -- totally and completely and utterly and blissfully free -- and yet we put ourselves through the torture and practices of things.  Rules, guilts, events, volunteering for this and that, working for this, committing to that, and judging others that don't work as hard as we do to be God's favorite.  But when you realize that it's all so... unnecessary... that God loves you no matter what you do, it is a fantastic feeling of freedom.  All He wants is you.  The way you are, where you are, with whatever flaws you have.  Bask in that. And quit trying so hard.

Easter 2012

Our Easter started off the weekend before, when we got the box of plastic eggs down from the attic. Immediately the kids were asking, "When will we have an Easter-egg hunt?" So, that Palm Sunday afternoon we had some practice hunts with empty eggs in the back yard.

Monday morning Carly was invited to her friends Will and Luke's house to hunt some eggs.

Tuesday, Carly and I went to Abigail's house for another hunt!

By the time Friday rolled around, Carly's hunting skills were sharpened, and Caleb was out of school so we went to our friends Hannah and Ava's house and had another hunt!

Saturday we drove to Aledo for a family get-together with my grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins. There was food, music, and -- you guessed it -- an egg hunt!! The sweetest part of the day was the music. We sat around the piano and sang worship songs about our risen Savior! I loved it. We even had my cousin Stacey via Skype on the iPad "there" with us all the way from Chile.

Then Easter Sunday was church and afterwards we had lunch at our house with my dad and stepmom, and in-laws. Naturally, after lunch the kids hunted eggs.

Monday, Carly asked me when we would get to look for eggs again. Is 5 not enough!? Good grief. I'm egg-specially glad to put those away until next year! We had an egg-cellent time, but I was eggs-hausted after all the festiviteggs. (ok, that last one was a stretch.)

Spring Break!

I guess this is our first official spring break, since we now adhere to school schedules. Ahhhh, the days when I didn't know or care when the school-age kids were on spring break... the only reason to know was to avoid the zoo/parks/museums that week.

We had a fun filled week. It started with a long stay at my grandparents house out in the country. It rained a good bit of the weekend, but by Sunday after church, the sky was clearing up and soon the sun came out.

Walking out to the car with Great-Grandpa

We played in the sun,

climbed fences and gates,

rode the tractor around,

and swang in the woods.

I love this place so much. The quiet of the country calms my spirit and brings rest to my soul! The beauty of God's creation sings everywhere I look.

After we came home we took PaPaw's fishing boat out to the lake. It was the kids' first time on a real boat on a big lake. Caleb was pretty terrified, and Carly loved it!! It took about 45 minutes of driving around before Caleb finally got comfortable enough to get out of his seat. We floated a while and fished a little. By the time we left, both kids agreed that we HAD to come back and catch a fish next time.

Greg let me drive! Look out!

Carly drove too!

I am exhausted but relaxed all at the same time! And sooooooo ready for summer now!